A victim mentality is a prolonged form of suicide.-Steve Maraboli
When things don’t go the way you like, how do you feel?
- Do you blame others or the world? – “Things never go my way”, “If only I had this while growing up”, “I hate my job but I don’t have a choice, no one is hiring”.
- Do you feel powerless to transform your life or let others take control of your life?
- Do you give up even before you take action and find excuses on why you gave up?
- Do you feel bitter and resentful that life is not going the way you want it to?
Victim mentality is a helpless feeling that makes you feel powerless and insecure and sucks out all the motivation and drive out of you. It leaves your cup empty. But you can change it!
Give in to your thoughts:
That is right. Don’t fight it. You have those thought because you gain instant gratification when someone sympathizes with you. It makes you feel more in control because you don’t have to take responsibility of your life, after all it is someone else’s fault. It makes you feel self-righteous and a martyr. It makes you feel safe in your world. Use it to get comfort and then think of the next steps.
To change anything, you have to become aware of it. Realize where your victim mentality comes from. It didn’t happen in a day. It was formed over time based on
- The way you think regularly
- The way you speak
- The things you focus you attention on
- Being surrounded by people who have a victim mentality
Become aware of the root of your sense of powerlessness. It might be the situation you are currently in, or it might have stemmed from you past experiences. Weed them out, analyse them, acknowledge them.
Let it go:
Yes it happened. Yes it sucked. Now it is time to move on.
If you always play the victim then you are a victim to your own reality.-Steve Maraboli
Change your story:
How do you talk about a bad situation? How do you tell your story? Realise a story can be told multiple ways.
The story changes when your perspective changes. Change the way you see the world and yourself in it. Become the hero of your story. You are not the victim but a survivor. Put on a positive spin, think about what you learned from the situation and tell a story that follows your rules. A story that empowers you and not crush you.
This takes practice and perseverance, because your mind is used to falling back into the rut of shifting the blame and not taking responsibility. But keep at it. Change your internal dialogue. Be aware of your thoughts. They can take a negative spin really quickly. Our mind does these endless loops where we are pulled into a whirlwind of negative thoughts. At those moments say “STOP” out loud and try to shift your focus somewhere else.
An amazing thing happens when you change the story you tell yourself. The way you speak about your life and the language and tone you use to speak about it to others changes. The way you talk to yourself changes.
Build daily rituals:
Think of daily rituals that could empower you. Improving yourself will change your self-image and the way you think about yourself. Push yourself to start a positive loop instead of the negative one you are in right now.
- Have a gratitude journal.
- A daily workout will increase your confidence and self – esteem.
- Everytime you feel the helplessness creeping in, affirm to yourself “I am in control. I can change my life any way I choose.”
- If you look around you, there is inspiration all around. Inspire yourself. You find more and more of what you are looking for.
- Focus on others instead of yourself. Really listen . This will give a different perspective, because there are plenty of others who have it just as bad if not worse that you did.
I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become-Carl Jung
I know from experience, it is not easy to overcome your inner dialogue. It sucks your life and motivation out of you. Do you have an inner dialogue that is plaguing you? How do you overcome it? Comment and let me know. I love to hear from you.